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2.A Worthless Life         3/21/05             

  Stuck in this nightmare i can't see a way out. but i keep thinking whats this dream really about. Betrayed by God, you've taken everything from me. will you straighten all these things out or will i be stuck with your blessed insanity. a worthless ife you gave me but i just keep living. i hope one day i'll find a true love. but for now that dream always scapes me like a dove. some day this worthless life will end but for now my prayers will continue to send. you took my grand mother away from me. but she was old so i'll just let it be. you didn't tell me that i'd fall in love with someone who didn't feel the same. maybe i couldn't hear you so you won't blame me. but when you took my nephew you crossed the line. when i die i'll find you and when i do my hands i'll no longer binde. i'll have my revenge some day. but my sins i'll never be able to repare.

3.is love one sided             3/21/05        

  People say words can't hurt you if you don't let them.  but they where wrong because the word love tore my heart out by it's heim.  the word love you can never tell if it's one sided.  but i can because when it happened i decide.  i never wanted to fall in love this way.  but it happened and my head just continues to suray.  i never knew the real way i felt at the time.  but when it was too late my life i decided to confine.  my soul feels empty without her by my side.  but i screwed up so now my hands are tied.  i can't bring her back with the words i say.  after all she'd probably think they where lies so for now i'll continue to pray. i've lost everything i ever loved and cared about.  i wish my life would make sence i wish i could just shout.  so i tell you this now before my soul flys away like a dove.  it maybe one sided but no one can live without someone to love.

4.is love one sided            part2  3/21/05 

  love maybe one sided for me. but then again i still have a long life ahead of me but for now i guess i'll let it be. sometimes i wonder if i'll ever be the same as i was before i met her. but even with all the pain i feel inside the only thing i'd change is the day i let my feelings become a blure. i could never tell you if the feelings for these people are right. i cand tell you is don't trust your sight. don't trust the words people say. the only thing you can trust is the way you feel inside. i can;t beleive what i'm saying because now i realize life is just like a rip tide. for now i leave you with this last word of advise. don't let the word love linger in you mind. because if you do your life willbe meaningless and unprecise.

5.i'll never let it be            3/21/05        

  up until now i've always gotten you over the pains god has caused me. but when you took my nephew it killed me and for that i'll never forgive you. for that i'll never let it be. he was only six years old he was too young for you to take. besides my love for Eva he was the only reason i had to live for Christ sakes. i love Eva with all my heart. but since it was never ment to be. i don't think even my love for her will keep me going. i don't think even my love for her can get me to the next part. i feel like i've got nothing left to live for. if it wasn't for the thoughts inside i'd just let my mind soar. if i thought that giving up the drugs, the smoking, the drinking and the vains i've cut would bring my loved ones back to me. i'd give them up in a geart beat. but since ti wont happen i'll never let it be.

6.Meaningless Apologies                3/21/05 

  you took my nephew away from me. he was tooyoung too go this just can't be. you've taken everything and everyone i'ever cared about. but i'm still here so the years i'll never count. he was only six years old with his entire life ahead of him. i don't know what to do anymore i can't just sit here and look grim. what points do you appologies serve they will never bring him back. my mind i'm losing. my mind i've lost that's for a fact. i'm surrendering to you now that i can't take anymore. you just keep taking from me like a charging boar. when you took my nephew to be with you. why didn't you take me too? i don't think i can take the pressure of this life anymore. your appologies won't change anything they won't bring him back. i've had enough of you and there's no bigger fact. four weeks have passed and i still miss him. it's hoing to be too long before i see him again. but sooner or later we all have to face the grim. i'll see you in heaven or hell, wherever it is i'll see you again.

7.betrial of the darkest kind          3/21/05 

  im empty inside now i don't know what's going on.  God has forsaken me and it hit me like a bonb.  it just wasn't enough that you took my grandmother away.  i hope you take me next because i'll make sure you pay.  you bastard you took my family, i'll never forgive you for this unholly insanity.  why did you forsake me like this. i don't think i can take much more of this eternal bliss.  i've got nothing left holding me together any more.  you've made my soul a bottom less pitt of pure hatred hell i'm so emptyi feel like i can soar.  are you happy now that you've gotten what you wanted.  you've given me so many thinbg to hate i think i'm huanted. i swear you'll pay for what you've done.  i hate you so much i wish i had a gun.  you betrade me for the last time.  i'll make you pay untill the bells chime.

8.A Nightmare from Hell                     3/21/05

  I'm lost in this nightmare and it's too dark to see. sombody please help me. i can't take this silence it's driving me insane. i feel as though someone or somthing is watching me but i just keep stairing in vein. i can feel my soul slowly sink into the darkness. but try as i might i can't nseem to avoid this. these thoughts in my head are starting to become sick and twisted. i don't know where i am i'm starting to go balistic. please somebody stop them please they're making me shudder. a voice keep telling me to listen to his murders. i can't stand this place and it's murmers. i wish i could wake up from this horrible dream. but nothing seems to work and the voices keep saying my geart and soul i must redeam. i'm losing everything, my heart, my soul, my being. but somewhere in the distance i cand hear beutiful singing. is this the end or is it the beginig?

9.A Wishfull Thought                    3/21/05

  sometimes i wish i could find someone to love. but nothing ever seems to happen when will i ever rise above. i wish i could be a father like the one i never had. but i can't seem to find anyone who will ever get mad. my dreams are just that dreams and nothing more. then again i can still wish to soar. i've spent most of my life dreaming and wishing for things to happen. but nothing ever does and for that i became sadden. i'd like to think that at least one dream of mine will come true. and hey i can always hope and maybe some day it will happen out of the blue. but right now i've still get a long time to wait before anything occurs. and even if nothing ever happens i can still dream and wish for everything to become a blur. i know nothing i could possibly wish or dream for would bring me happyness. but i still dream and wish even to this day for true love.


10. & 11.
12.shatered dreams                      3/22/05

written by: Clinton Barnes

to be continued...